‘One for the Money’ Review: Does Katherine Heigl Have Fans?

Katherine Heigl in 'One for the Money', Ron Batzdorff / Liosngate

Heigl quit a lucrative TV career on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ to pursue romantic comedies, but her recent films have been lackluster. Ramin Setoodeh went to a midnight screening of her new movie, which wasn’t screened for critics, to find out what’s going on. 

Midnight. Rain. Cold. Sleep. Which of these things did I not experience last night? On Friday morning at 12:01 a.m., I went to the movies to see One for the Money, the new Katherine Heigl crime caper that’s so lousy the studio wouldn’t screen it early for critics. I had to watch it at the first public showing in a Manhattan theater, with all of Heigl’s groupies, if they exist. Here’s what happened, as recorded in real-time on my BlackBerry.

11:36 p.m. Thursday night. I arrive at the theater, and whew, it’s not sold out. A woman who sells me a ticket—$13 of my money for One for the Money—said the premiere was recently held at the same venue and she got a glimpse of Heigl. “She’s a very pretty lady,” she says. “I liked her in Knocked Up.”

11:50 p.m. A 26-year-old man working at the concession stand tells me how much he enjoyed Heigl’s performance in Zack & Miri Make a Porno. I point out that Heigl was not in that film.

11:53 p.m. I find my seat. Number of people inside the theater, including me: 1.

12:00 a.m. I am still the only person here. This is worse than going to your high-school prom alone.

12:04 a.m. A few others have trickled in. Number of people inside the theater, including me: 5.

12:19 a.m. The trailers end.

12:20 a.m. The movie begins. “I’m Stephanie Plum and this is my story,” says Heigl in voice-over that sounds like she’s channeling Snooki from Jersey Shore. Stephanie was just laid off from her job at Macy’s, so she heads home for some moral support.

12:24 a.m. Debbie Reynolds plays the grandmother, who has the honor of saying, “Who wouldn’t enjoy a nice thong!?”

12:32 a.m. Heigl asks her cousin for a job as a bail-bondswoman, and she must track down the guy she lost her virginity to in high school, who is a corrupt cop—or not! His name is Joe Morelli (Jason O’Mara) and he looks like Joe Rogan from Fear Factor, with a tattoo on his chest. So far, this is worse than Gigli. It’s like Hollywood tried to remake Harriet the Spy for adults, without irony. How did Heigl get stranded in a train wreck like this?

She was once on her way to becoming America’s sweetheart, the kind of actress next in line for Sandra Bullock’s career. In 2005, when Grey’s Anatomy premiered, Heigl played the spunky intern Izzie Stevens. By Season 2, she had outshone all the other women on the show, because of a gut-wrenching story line where she fell in love with one of her patients. Ask Heigl fans (and they do exist) what they used to love about her, and they all talk about how relatable she once was. “I love the fact that she came across as being really down to Earth,” says Kim Jacobs, 54, a magazine creative director from West Orange, N.J. And Heigl held her own against Seth Rogen in 2007’s Knocked Up, as the charming/bitchy pregnant girlfriend that both men and women adored (she replaced Anne Hathaway in the part). That was then.

12:34 a.m. Heigl buys a gun and learns how to fire it. She’s wearing a suit that looks like it came from Talbot’s.

12:35 a.m. Number of people inside the theater, including me: 3. Two teen girls have already fled.

12:40 a.m. Sherri Shepherd plays a local hooker. John Leguizamo is a local shady something-or-another. They are both so over the top and cheesy in their performances, they should be considered for next year’s Razzies.

12:47 a.m. Sample dialogue between Heigl and O'Mara:

Her [with a gun]: “I am so close to blowing your head off right now.”

Him: “I don’t think you’re going to shoot me.”
Her: “Think again.”
Him: “Will you please not shoot me? It’s me.”
Her: “Fine, will you come in custody then?”
Him: “No, you’re a lunatic.”

That’s not the worst name Heigl has been called. Just as she entered the superstar orbit, the press tore her apart, for reports that she was too difficult on the set of Grey’s Anatomy. She didn’t help herself, either, by continually badmouthing the show in interviews. She finally left Grey’s in 2010 (Izzie got cancer). With her reputation tarnished, picking on Heigl became the blogosphere’s favorite pastime. “Why Does Katherine Heigl Bug Me?” asked one blogger in 2010. More recently, a post on Perez Hilton screamed: “The beginning of the end of Katherine Heigl’s career.”

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